You Only Think Miley Cyrus Is Racist Because Britney Spears Is Sober

Though Miley Cyrus may have been Oscar-snubbed, at least she's the frontrunner for a Tortured Logic nomination after she blamed the media uproar for her slanty-eyed play-acting on...Britney Spears's sobriety.

Cyrus apparently made the argument on her official "Mileyworld" site, which is virtually impossible to navigate (and we also think we may have violated Megan's Law by attempting to do so). So, we're just going to take Us Weekly's word on the matter—though we're amused that the former headline still presented in the Us URL, "Miley Cyrus Apologizes for Controversial Photos, Kind Of," has had its last snarky comment chopped off:

Miley Cyrus is finally speaking out on controversial photos that show her using her fingers to make her eyes slant, which is considered degrading to Asian people.

"I've also been told there are some people upset about some pictures taken of me with friends making goofy faces! Well, I'm sorry if those people looked at those pics and took them wrong and out of context!" she writes on her official fansite.

"In NO way was I making fun of any ethnicity! I was simply making a goofy face. When did that become newsworthy?" she adds. "It seems someone is trying to make something out of nothing to me. If that would of [sic] been anyone else, it would of been overlooked! I definitely feel like the press is trying to make me out as the new 'BAD GIRL'!"

Cyrus continues: "I feel like now that Britney is back on top of her game again, they need someone to pick on! Lucky me! haha

Truly, it's a shame that Britney's attempts at coherent sentences and a respectable weave have forced the media to scrutinize each and every out-of-context racial caricature made by one miss Hannah Montana. We'd advise Miley to lay low for a little bit, and save her heart-warming power ballad "Don't Jews Like Money?" until Britney executes her next, inevitable slip-up.