Inside The Michael Phelps College Doofus Party

Who took that photo of dolphin-boy Michael Phelps hitting a bong? Who cares? It's no worse than that photo of you in college, licking liquid acid off a naked mule. But the media is investigating!

This marijuana scandal is the biggest story to hit South Carolina since Reconstruction, so naturally the state's largest paper is on the case—bringing you inside the college frat party where Phelps met his fate:

The game that Monday night in November was high-stakes "beer pong," a drinking game in which players lob Ping-Pong balls into plastic cups.

Michael Phelps was betting big - and losing.

"I saw Phelps pull out a roll, a bank-wrapped $2,000," said Michael Whitworth, who had been invited to a house near Five Points after his band played a show at 5 Points Pub (now Sudworks Taphouse).

"He said, ‘I'll match the $2,000,'" Whitworth continued, referring to Phelps. "Good ol' Phelpsie lost it, too."

Haha. Dude. Really. You lost $2k playing beer pong? Also, did this kid really say, quote, "Good ol' Phelpsie?" So many things in South Carolina are hard to believe. The paper, after much investigating, does not succeed in ID'ing the photographer of the famous photo. But it does succeed in proving that despite being an internationally famous millionaire Olympic champion, Michael Phelps still only feels confident in his ability to pull drunk college girls:

Tyson Sellers, a USC student who was at the Blossom Street house later in the week, wanted to take a photo of Phelps.

The Olympian declined, saying he couldn't be photographed while drinking. But Phelps did agree to speak to Sellers' mother - a big fan of his - on the phone.

When Sellers was at the house, he said, he didn't see any marijuana smoking, but said Phelps had "a lot of girls around him."

Although the alternative is, he goes Hollywood and fucks Paris Hilton and does lots of coke and hangs out with Ashton Kutcher. So we hesitate to tell him to get "cooler" friends. [TheState.com; Pic via Star]