We're Really That Into 'You'

Not yet recovered from M.I.A.'s 9-months-pregnant body dressed to resemble a Minnie Mouse head? Coldplay in colorful, matching melody-pirate outfits? You have a Grammy hangover. Take some box office numbers and go back to bed:

1. He's Just Not That Into You — $27.465 million
There was every reason to believe Into You would connect with audiences: The zeitgeisty line of Sex and the City dialogue had already been spun off into a popular self-help book, talk show, weight loss plan, Israeli martial art, and library cataloging system. Surely the Hollywood movie—a star-studded ensemble comedy examining tribulations of dating in a technosavvy age full of crossed wires and mixed-messages—was destined to be just as successful. Now there's no stopping America's single women, newly empowered by the awareness of their own undesirability. You go, girl-not-worthy-of-being-that-into!

2. Taken — $20.3 million
A puny 18% drop from its first week suggests male audiences sought some quality mantertainment that didn't portray them as either bumbling idiots (Pink Panther, Blart), shallow, affection-withholding brutes (Into You), or unrealistically hunky renegades who could send shockwaves out of their palms (The Wrestler). That left the paternal vigilantism of Taken, a movie whose lack of Harrison Ford in the lead we still can't completely wrap our minds around.

3. Coraline — $16.335 million
This macabre and visually stunning Hansel and Gretle-ish tale appealed to adults as much as it did to the kiddie set, and deservedly so. If you're a fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas, or the art of Edward Gorey, or are even the least bit curious as to what a colony of Scottish Terrier bats might look like flying at you in 3-D, we highly recommend it.

4. The Pink Panther 2 — $12 million
5. Paul Blart: Mall Cop — $11 million
Unfortunately, the bad Pink Panther omen proved correct. Face it, Steve Martin: Clouseau should have been left under glass. If we want to see an incompetent, moustachioed crimefighter face plant into a fountain, we'll call Blart.

6. Push — $10.204 million
We've already seen some confusion regarding the two Pushes, with at least one box office chart listing Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire instead of this Push by mistake. Though the more we think about it, the former Push's incestuously knocked-up Precious could really have benefited from the ability to psychically explode all the blood vessels in her father and evil mother Mo'nique's bodies. The only power she came equipped with, however, was superhuman perseverance in the face of unimaginable adversity. You go, Precious! We're that into you!