Michelle Obama's Shopping Habits End Recession

President Barack Obama says he wants to save the economy, but all he does is give speeches and talk to fancy economists. Meanwhile, Michelle Obama is actually saving the economy, by shopping at Pottery Barn!

Do we need to tell you that these are the sentiments of Bonnie Fuller, former Star editor and current writer of the internet's most hilariously inexplicable columns? Hopefully you can identify Bonnie's unique brand of insight all by yourself now:

I'm beginning to wonder if the only Obama in the White House who's serious about "getting real" and trying to improve the economic lives of average Americans is the First Lady. The President may talk the talk, making speeches about capping executive pay and telling Wall Street and banking execs that this is a new era of responsibility, but is he actually going to walk the walk?

We like to picture Bonnie taking deep swigs from a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels and screaming out these columns to a terrified secretary, who transcribes them.

Small as they may be, changes in typical First Lady behavior are sending the right message to the American public. Michelle is redecorating the White House, using Pottery Barn and Anthropologie, two affordable and accessible retailers. She's famously sported reasonably-priced clothing choices from J Crew and White House/Black Market - remember the pretty $148 black and white sundress she wore on "The View?" She's even publicly re-worn her inaugural day teal Jimmy Choo pumps.

Her actions are saying to the American people that yes, the Obama family, as presidential as it is, is just like you.

Economy: saved. And if re-wearing Jimmy Choos doesn't get this mess fully cleaned up, Bonnie's recommendation for Barack's new economic adviser: "Think Dave's accountant in the movie by Kevin Kline - an ordinary accountants' perspective." Okay. [HuffPo]