Bob Marley Now Owned By Wall Street

Rasta don't work for no CIA. But Bob Marley now works for a private equity firm.

Bob died in 1981. And outrageously, ungrateful fucking fans have been putting him on T-shirts ever since then without even paying a fucking fee, the fucking ingrates. What did Bob Marley stand for, if not proper licensing procedures? Now the Marley family has sold half the rights to his name to a private equity firm called Hilco Consumer Capital (also proud owners of the Linens-n-Things brand!), which promises to "spend 'as much money as it takes' to stop counterfeiters."

One of the company's first priorities is creating Marley Lager, a Jamaican beer featuring the singer's likeness. The marketer hopes to add headphones, snowboards, posters, screensavers, among other products, [Hilco CEO James] Salter said.

Haha, Salter's other quote is: "The Marleys stand for something, peace and love." Which we imagine actually went: "The Marleys stand for something. [Turns to assistant. 'What's that shit these people stand for?']. Peace and love. [Jerk-off motion]."

Hilco Consumer Capital's attorneys are coming for your rolling papers. [WSJ]