COURTNEY LOVE: If the British tabloids are to be believed (and we are praying to Jesus, Santa, and Barack Obama that they've nailed this particular story), Rourke has been secretly dating Courtney Love for the past three weeks. Obviously, this would be an amazing red carpet duo—just think of the money that could be saved on pre-ceremony, his-and-hers collagen injections!
Likeliness: 8. Love has been to the Oscar ceremony once before and she's not about to turn down her only shot to go again. Hold on with your wraithlike fingers and ride that misshapen pony to the Academy Awards, girl!
BAI LING: If there's anyone who could possibly outdo Love as Rourke's date, it's former fling Bai Ling. In fact, if there's anyone who could possibly outdo Bjork's infamous swan dress, it's Bai Ling. We're crossing our fingers that her potential Oscar frock of rubber bands, jelly bracelets, and nipple-covering sand dollars comes to fruition.
Likeliness: 6. Bai's early surge has seemed to fade. "Mickey is a powerful actor, I respect and enjoy his work and I am his big surportor [sic] and fan, he is going to win Oscar for sure," she recently wrote on her blog. In other words, it was an honor just to be nominated.
LOKI: Rourke's elderly chihuahua Loki has thus far been his most frequent red carpet companion.
Likeliness: 9. There's little that could tear Loki from Rourke's side—except that proven temptress Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
EVAN RACHEL WOOD: What better promotion for The Wrestler than to bring costar/onscreen daughter/french-kissing partner Evan Rachel Wood as his date?
Likeliness: 3. "I feel disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke," Wood recently said. Potential upside: maybe she was talking about this guy?
THE FRENCH FLASHER: If Rourke wants to strengthen The Wrestler's overseas profile, there's no better way than to squire the Parisian pixie who unexpectedly bared her breasts to him.
Likeliness: 4.We're holding out hope, if only to hear the red carpet fashionistas ask, "Who aren't you wearing?"