In your almost-Spring Wednesday media column: layoffs at Billboard, Comcast calls the FBI, the continued decline of lunch, and the future of newspapers is here!

A joking japester "pens" an editorial in E&P to suggest newspapers pursue new ideas like edible pages, HOT girls on page one, and increased consolidation until there's only "one giant corporo-media-government entity" to give you news. Sir, allow us to introduce you to the New York Post.

A tipster tells us that Billboard laid off four editorial staffers today, including Hip Hop editor Hillary Crosley. [More info? Email us]

In further recession-related reporting about lunch, Vanity Fair reveals the alarming news that "ordering in lunch from Balthazar, Pastis, and Cipriani has been replaced by bringing in your own midday meal." How bad has it gotten? "Party hors d'oeuvres are the new dinner-and leftover fête fare, such as this cheese plate from the St. Regis, is the new lunch." For those who get their money-saving tips from Vanity Fair, this sounds just about right.


Comcast has called in the FBI to help them catch Dov Charney the mysterious perv who caused the network to broadcast 30 seconds of porn during the Super Bowl. Comcast says it was an "intentional malicious act," because they love football more than sex.


Michael Cooke, the former New York Daily News editor and current Chicago Sun-Times editor (and real estate flipper), will soon be the new editor of the Toronto Star. One more step completed in his plan to edit every paper in the world.