Excitable ABC Now Firing Cast Members On ALL Its ShowsS

In this economy, ABC can't afford to only let go every gay, gay-adjacent, or gay-hating actor on Grey's Anatomy. Other ABC series are feeling the burn, and two newly departing actors were announced today.

The first? Nicollette Sheridan of Desperate Housewives, according to E!:

So how's she getting offed? Here are the exclusive details of the rumored exit...

As it's been penned: Edie [Sheridan] finds out her husband, Dave, plans to kill her-and Dave almost does kill her. She runs out of the house, but alas, poor Edie gets in an accident, something involving her car and an electrical wire. More details to come; the script is still being released for table reads.

Our condolences, Nicollette; may David Spade offer you a spindly shoulder to cry on. Also getting formally fired is the much-rumored-about Balthazar Getty, says E!:

After weeks of rumors that Getty has been causing problems on the set, sources tell us exclusively that episode 19, titled "Spring Broken," will be Getty's last of the season.

According to insiders who work on the show, Getty's character, Tommy Walker, will have a very dramatic and surprising storyline in coming episodes, in which he will-spoiler alert!-go to jail, get out on bail and go on the lam in Mexico.

But here's the really scandalous part...

Sources tell me that before he goes, Balthazar's Tommy will get thoroughly wasted, flirt with young girls and get a nice slap across the face from his mother, Nora (Sally Field).

Is it a case of art imitating adulterous life, or were Getty's future plotlines swallowed-up by Field's maniacal scene-chewing? Whatever it is, we're sure the tumbling economy didn't help; it's a good thing Lost announced an end-date it's working steadily toward, or we have a feeling that the May sweeps smoke monster would leave no one on the show besides Michael Emerson and the dog who plays Vincent. Actually, we would still watch that.