'Lindsay Lohan is Our Dream Star!' Says 'Elm Street' Producer About to be Cussed Out by Michael Bay: UPDATE

In a surprise turn of events that will require her to temporarily suspend her ongoing vinyl-alphabetization project at the Ronson Archives, a previously thought uninsurable Lindsay Lohan will star in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Only yesterday, a director for the project—music video director Samuel Bayer—was announced. Now Andrew Form, who with Michael Bay makes up one-third of the Elm Street producing team, has gone to online celebrity-bikini-photo-repository JustJared with the exclusive:

"We were lucky to receive a call from Jason Weinberg, Lindsay's manager. He called us to tell us that Lindsay was very interested in the film and wanted to be a part of it. We called Jason back after Wesley Strick finished the script and asked if Lindsay wanted to look at the first draft. She looked it over and loved it. She thought this was the perfect vehicle for her. Michael, Bradley and I couldn't imagine having a better actress for the part and without an audition we cast her," Andrew adds.

Based on what we saw of Lohan's last contribution to the horror genre, I Know Who Killed Me, we're wondering what faults in the Elm Street script might have been so egregious as to prevent her involvement entirely. Casting her as the mother? Or Freddie's new love interest, Freida Krueger? We can't really conjure up a scenario in which she would have said no.

Now, onto Phase 2 of the Elm Street casting campaign, in which Bay publishes an angry blog post saying Form "should have never opened his big mouth, and there's no way in hell I'm working with that dehydrated mess. I mean come on. Megan Fox is so much hotter, and I know for a fact she's available. I've embedded her screen test. Check it out! Is that hot or what?"

UPDATE — 2:49 p.m.: Following a well-placed refutation from Form's producing partner Brad Fuller, JustJared has amended its story to say Lohan will not in fact star in Nightmare.