This week everyone behaved foolishly and brashly and rashly. Like common dirty apes.
- Do we still care about racist Republican hicks? Only if they've just died.
- While we're on the topic of racist Republican hicks, black people look like monkeys, did you know that? That is funny, I think! Also gay people like to stick their legs up in the air! Oh, Sean Delonas. We can't wait to read your big fat children's book.
- That was terrible of me. The New York Post would like to sort of apologize on my behalf.
- Speaking of idiots, the cast of The City learned the spirit of Christmas this week. Meanwhile the Real Housewives of New York City returned and wreaked their havoc on the
- Wreaking havoc over at NYU were a bunch of Gaza-loving (and racism-hating, probably) baboons who occupied their cafeteria and lost themselves along the way. Zookeepers came and punished them appropriately by banishing them from their well-appointed cages.
- Joining these revolutionaries in hippie solidarity were Barack Obama and Joe Biden, who were busy promoting horrible, gunshot-worthy stimulus bills while their social secretary got down with Anna Wintour.
- If anyone's ever seen monkeys just doin' what comes naturally to them at the zoo or in the wild, you'll know that abstinence just isn't realistic. Quick, somebody occupy Bristol Palin's vagina!
- Matt Lauer and Brian Williams are sorta gay. They're sitting down for most of that clip, otherwise their legs would be up in the air.
- One couple, Tom & Katie, got dinged for using fur—perhaps monkey fur!—while another couple is half-Asian and therefore eats monkeys probably!
- Creepy old men are not upset about going at it like howler monkeys (anything else would be unrealistic!), nor are they buggin' about making up Holocaust stories.
- One mean old gorilla got fired, while another silverback totally ganked Conan O'Brien's thunder.
OK, monkey motif over. Now everyone shoo.