NeverEnding Story Really Never Gonna End

Hollywood continues to dredge up your beloved childhood memories and cruelly destroy them. The latest victim is The NeverEnding Story. The 1980s German puppet mindfrak may soon be zombified into a crappy new remake.

The ever-hungry Nothing is gathering around the property, with Kathleen Kennedy/Frank Marshall and Leo DiCaprio's Appian Way pecking at its peacefully resting corpse. Of course the potential producers hope to put a "modern spin" on the fantasy tale (based on a German children's book), which means CGI wizard fights and snappy dialogue or something.

If you're not familiar with the film—or its weirder, more Jonathan Brandis-y sequel—you should smoke a fat bowl and check it out. Basically a lonely, friendless kid (is there any other kind in movies?) is reading a book about a fantasy land called, um, Fantasia. In hte tale, a mighty Injun named Atreyu is trying to defend the Childlike Empress from The Nothing, a dark and evil force that's eating everything. As the lonely little bugger, Bastian, continues to read the story, he becomes an integral part of it. It's directed, bizarrely, by Wolfgang Peterson and there are lots of puppets and it's the kind of strange, vaguely menacing kids movie that they don't really make anymore—because kids are dumb and coddled and have no imagination or attention span anymore.

Now, before we get too doom and gloom, it's important to note that this cabal of producers has only secured the puppet rights thus far. So maybe they're just trying to build their very own luckdragon for personal reasons. Which I would have no problem with.

Atreyyyyuuuuuuuu!

NeverEnding Story Really Never Gonna End