Employees: No 'Awesomeness' at Facebook

Mean-mom Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, bringer of order to Mark Zuckerberg's children's crusade, has turned the too-cool-for-school startup into a place where employees fill out employee surveys. At Facebook, though, they call them "awesomeness" surveys.

In 2007, at the height of Facebook buzz, the startup was red-hot, a recruiting machine which could poach employees from a then-untouchable Google. Since then — and especially since Sandberg signed on — the company has been more known for the employees it's lost than the star hires it's made.

Qi Lu, formerly one of Yahoo's brightest tech executives, accepted the CTO job at Facebook, and then reneged on his agreement and joined Microsoft as its online chief instead. Pankaj Gupta, an algorithms expert heavily courted by Facebook, went to Twitter. And we hear there may be more defections in the business-development department, where Dan Rose's incompetent management is steadily driving talent away. We hear Richard Cooperstein, who gave up a senior vice president job at Disney to join Facebook as a director, is thinking about leaving.

The many people who passed on Facebook job offers must surely be congratulating themselves on their decisions. If they hadn't they'd now be filling out "awesomeness" surveys.

A tipster tells us:

[Ask] for results of the employee satisfaction/morale survey called the "awesomeness survey." You'll find that the results were not so awesome, in fact... Very not awesome.

Awww, buck up little Facebookers! Tell us what's got you so down.

And Sheryl? Before you haul off and shoot us, remember that violence never solved anything. Here's a good-will gift: some Successories posters you might want to put up around the office before the next "awesomeness" survey.

Employees: No 'Awesomeness' at Facebook

Employees: No 'Awesomeness' at Facebook

Employees: No 'Awesomeness' at Facebook