Obama Refuses to Admit That He's Irish

Why oh why isn't Barack Obama proud of his hugely important Irish heritage? Wait, didn't you know? The preisdent is 3.1% Irish, and to really annoying Irish people, that is enough.

See, the president goes on and on about his "black" dad and "white" mom but he never acknowledges the importance in his life of "his great-great-great-grandfather Falmouth Kearney," who came to America in 1850 because Ireland is was a hellhole. Ok, let's check in with the annoying people:

"He's as much Irish as he is Kenyan," said Irish American Democrats President Stella O'Leary. [really?? -ed] "He's been very wrapped up in his African-American heritage. But we will welcome him with open arms."

And all these Irish Americans now demand that the President turn the White House green for St. Patrick's day, or something, who knows what they actually want from him, but it will be stupid in a really demeaning stereotypical way. Maybe they want him to dress up as a cop and hate black people? (Kidding, kidding! That's only 19th century Irish immigrants, not today's vibrant and inclusive community of drunk layabouts!)

But can we go even more asinine with the quotes? Yes we can!

"He doesn't want to dilute his brand by introducing other nationalities," said Darrell West, government studies vice president at the Brookings Institution. "He has told a very powerful story about growing up biracial. If he adds the Irish piece, that message gets distorted."

Yes, right, he wouldn't want to dilute his biracial brand, that is probably what he is thinking about when he purposefully neglects to mention the "Irish piece" of his biography that has absolutely nothing to do with his life or story.

The real reason he won't talk about the Irish stuff, of course, is because he was secretly born in County Cork to a Muslim Leprechaun. We read it in Wikipedia!