Queer people are always causing all the problems on The Real World. Like how transsexual Katelynn goes go-go dancing instead of go-going to birthday parties. And how Pedro like died and stuff.

See what had happened was, Katelynn was broke. Broke as a joke. She had to pay her car payments and her 'storage unit' and plus she had a really huge tab to settle with the Teeny Tiny Underpants Depot. So what could she do? Well, there aren't any restaurants in New York, so waiting tables is out. And there aren't any stores or anything, so retail is a no go. Hey! Speaking of go! What about go-go dancing in a cage, twirling high above a pile of gays and other strange-os?? Sounds teriff! So that's what Katelynn did, 'cause she knew a guy who knew a guy who got her a sweet gig at the Chicken Coop or whatever the name of the clurrb was.

So good. Episode over, right? Katelynn had a money issue, and she solved it in the most reasonable way possible. BUT NO! Just when you thought you'd get to go to bed at 10:15 last night, MTV threw you a dilly of a curve ball. Not everyone was happy that Katelynn was go-go dancing. Specifically, pretty pretty pink pucker-lipped wannabe models named Scott who are having a big fun birthday party. Scotty had a party and no one came. Well, OK, his clam and lobster scented brood from the northern wilds of New England came, but certain transsexuals were too busy go-go dancing in cages while wearing their teeny-tiny underpants to attend the most important party that New York City has seen since 4th grader Mitzi Kleinman's Central Park petting zoo gala last weekend.

But really their two-hander production of Pinter's The Birthday Party wasn't the root cause of the Katelynn/Scott blowdown. It was dishes. Tall dishes, short dishes, even dishes with chicken pox. Katelynn never, ever cleans. Scott is always cleaned and waxed and polished, so it's really aggravating to him. Rather than confront the problem head-on, he prefers to passive-aggressively yodel things in the Great Room, while Katelynn stands on the sidelines, muttering in her blackspeak. Shockingly, this is not an effective method of roommate communication. So Scott decided to pull pranks and put furniture in Katelynn's room. Didn't work. Then he put a lock on the cabinets where all the dishes were. Triumphantly, Katelynn tried to research how to crack a combination lock. Like she was in The Italian Job or something. Amazingly she was unable to do it. But she got a prank in one better! She put the pool balls in a bag and then put that bag in the TV cabinet. Nefarious, Professor Moriarty!

So, of course, there was another blowdown and Katelynn started yelling about things being childish, and Scotty yelled about things being about respect and really important birthday parties. Scott was wearing a pretty jacket with a fur collar at this point, so I just chucklewept and thought about cheeseburgers. Katelynn returned the pool balls, and Scott unlocked the cabinets and set the dishes free. They cheered and clapped and the side dish ran away with the spoon to get married and the saucer and the teapot made slow, careful love to each other while Devyn watched, beguiled. (Earlier, Devyn stormed out of her lair, the phone room, to throw herself into the Scott/Katelynn blowabout. As she yelled and yelled and yelled about something she had nothing to do with, she called Scott a bully. A tip of the hat, Devyn!)

Also happening in this episode was a story about AIDS. Pedro AIDS, to be exact. Pedro was a cast member on the Real World: San Francisco. He was living with the disease on the show, got married on the show, then died after the show was over. It was landmark television in the same way that MTV has ever been landmark television. But it was important. Anyway, MTV made a movie about it and it looked terrible. But the house kids had to put together a screening for the movie so young people could see it and learn about AIDS and being on TV. Chet really wanted to host the whole thing, because hosting is his dreeeeeam guys, but the other roommates figured that if you've never done the nasty, and don't plan on doing the nasty until you're married and it won't actually be The Nasty then anyway, it'll be The Upstanding, then you probably shouldn't lead a panel discussion about doing the nasty safely. Sigh. It didn't really matter who hosted anyway, because young people forgot how to do real work about twenty years ago (I'm currently writing, in bed, about the Real World), so the cast members could only muster the motivation to wrangle about 15 people to show up for the sad little event. 13 of those people were just there for the free Subway sangawiches.

When they all came home, defeated, Katelynn learned that her cage dancing job had flown the coop. The DJ who was paying her (hadn't actually paid her yet) stopped showing up to the niteclurb. There fleeted, on the winds of disappointment, her job prospects. So she decided to pack it all in and go back to Montana, where the money flows like wine. Everyone was sort of not really sad and then Scott came flaming in, like a burning model knight, to rescue the damsel in teeny tiny unperpanted distress. He gave her the $1500 she needed to pay for her unit's storage, and wrote "To Be a Voice" on the memo section. (Somewhere, a bank employee looked at the deposited check and was like "The fuck does that mean?") Devyn said it was a good thing, because what if Pedro had decided to leave his season of the Real World because of poverty or AIDS or something? Then there would be no more AIDS. Wait. I mean there would be more AIDS. Wait.

So Katelynn tired to act like she wasn't going to take the check, but no one in this country is really in a position to turn down free lunch (just ask those 13 people), so she took it and hugged Scott and he suddenly realized that he was being hugged by a transsexual who owed him $1500 in front of a camera crew. Pedro's dream. No longer raisined or deferred. Realized.

At the very end of the episode, an old witch broke into the house and devoured Baya. No one noticed for three days.