Sunday morning brings the dawn in. I've got a restless feeling by my side. Oh, halo. It's the tabloids! Today, Lauren Conrad makes some unwise choices and Mr. Lohan makes an unwanted appearance. Read on.

• Human facsimile Lauren Conrad spent last night "hugging and whispering" and "exchanging phone numbers" with The Miz, a professional wrestler. What did they talk about? My guess is the fungible nature of reality and also waxing techniques. "OMG, Nads is the worst!" [P6]
• Piece of shit father Michael Lohan used his daughter's warrant to call her relationship "toxic" in an exclusive to US Magazine. [US]
• You know who made out in this whole Madoff thing? Jews!!! Let the pogroms begin. No but seriously, if you're looking for a good yad, I hear now is a great buyer's market.[P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's TriBeCa gym is failing miserably. Members complain about GOOP covering the equipment. What, haven't they even been to David Barton? First sentence true. Second, a set up. Third, the pay off. [P6]
• Bradgina spawn Shiloh. who is—let's face it—cute as a button has an imaginary friend named Amy and refuses to eat. "Two cute," says Star. Funny, I have an imaginary friend named Tina and my teeth fall out. Too cute too?

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