Andrea Peyser cannot conceal her throbbing sexuality for even the length of a single column. Nor would we ask her to! Her sourpuss writing fairly drips with (unfulfilled?) kink. Today: rock-hard prison sex!

In pursuit of journalism, Andrea happened to stumble upon HotPrisonPals.com. This called for further investigation! Andrea combed the HotPrisonPals archives and found William Leonard (pictured)—a kinky death row inmate in Nevada—a man with whom a forbidden love would be...nay, we must not speak of it:

Sorry, Leonard, I don't do inmates.

But plenty do.

Such as her friend, Andrea-ay EyserPay? One wonders. Let us now tally a few of the things Andrea, a staunch right winger, has written up in the past year:

• Sexy female legs, and vampirism related to them.
• "Ancient porn"
• Pussies.
• Whores.
• X-ray cock.

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.