Cannibals will soon roam the earth, as will comedians. Jennifer Aniston and dogs are Mother Nature's favorite creations. Audrina Patridge will never, ever die. Your in-town-for-pilot-season friend will never, ever leave.

When TV Stars Ruled the Earth

Lionsgate has purchased the rights to Suzanne Collins' dystopian future novel The Hunger Games, about a society where teenage boys and girls have to fight each other to the death on television, for fun and profit. By the time the film is made and released, it will be a documentary. [Variety] While us poors are killing and devouring each other, comedy dynamos will be meeting for Adam Sandler's next movie, about a sad little Saturday Night Live high school reunion. Chris Rock, Maya Rudolph, David Spade, and Kevin James have joined the cast. Oh, and Salma Hayek and, strangely, Colin Quinn. Laff riot. [Variety]

When TV Stars Ruled the Earth

Little Labrador that could or whatever Marley & Me keeps surprising at the box office. It's licking ass and taking names in the foreign market, which is usually unkind to American comedies, especially those with women in them. I guess dogs, and Jennifer Aniston's beguiling misery, are a universal language. [Variety] If you're worrying about goings on at home, don't. SAG is working hard, if in secret, to get a new contract ready for ratification. Also: Puppy. Jen Aniston's weepy tears. (Hello foreign readers!) [Variety]

When TV Stars Ruled the Earth

Family friendly Walden Media has nabbed a big old lesbian to star in their next feature. Ellen DeGeneres will be playing Mother Nature in a movie about the deity's (?) first trip back to Earth since it was created, lo those six thousand years ago. It was written by Sex and they City/Men in Trees alumna Jenny Bicks. Lady power! Only Aslan can stop this sinfulness now. [THR]

When TV Stars Ruled the Earth

Wandering weirdo Audrina Patridge will not be continuing on The Hills after this upcoming season. She's signed a deal for a whole! new! reality show, all about herrrr. So that's spectacular. We think we're getting the end of The Hills because Lauren and Audy are leaving, instead it divides to conquer, like a wicked Hydra. [THR] A whole bunch of people got cast in pilots, including Gail O'Grady, Alfre Woodard, Katherine Moenning, and DB Woodside. Your friend Tim, who's been sleeping on your couch for the past two months? He still did not. And hey, it's early, man. Shut the curtains, would you? [THR]

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When TV Stars Ruled the Earth