Well, that was unexpected. On last night's Idol elimination episode, twasn't Scott (as I predicted) or Anoop (as some of you did). It was blondie Alexis who went home. Wha' happened?
The night opened with yet another awkward group numbry, this one some sort countrified thing where the Irdols showed that they knew how to spell things. They seated Scott safely behind the piano (after berating him on Tuesdee for being stuck behind the piano!) where he didn't need to be uncomfortably led around by Alexis. Then came a dopey Ford commercial involving water balloons and the strange whiff of sadness that permeates things that are fleeting, disappearing, the world swiftly and already outgrowing these people the way children do clothes.
Ryan pressed on. He introduced a video segment where they showed what happens after you get voted off. There's a goodbye dinner with toasts and shit, like a spangly, ugly, cheap and poorly-worded Rachel Getting Married. Soooo once all that nonsense was dispensed with, the eliminations began.
It's so annoying that a) Allison was in the bottom three when she's the best singer of the bunch, and b) that Paula knew, she knew, that she would be. Ryan made some smarmy little joke that "Of course you don't know who's going home..." And wow they're just not even bothering to attempt a cover-up anymore, are they? Randy also knew that Alexis would be in the bottom three, and not slinky, leathery, skunky Adam Lambert. Because they've been jiggering this thing since day one and now they're tired and just want to be done with this whole damn ridiculousness—get their checks and go, hand out shitty record contracts like Halloween candy, lie in their giant square beds and watch the fiery city bustle along quietly in the distance, some mysterious feeling creeping toward their hearts. O can't these miserable weeks of caring and evaluating and pretending just end!
Soooo Roughneck was in the bottom three with them, which is just fine. After some more ambling and rambling from Ryan and Carrie Underwood and
David Lynch Randy Travis, we got to the meat and potatoes. Allison was safe. And then, sigh, so was Sarver. So Alexis was out! Unless she successfully sang for her supper. The judges dangled the lifesaver in front of her while she warbled out an even-worse-than-Tuesday-night rendition of "Jolene." But alas in the end, twas not enough.
I'm not really sad to see her go. I just think that there were far more deserving potential eliminees last night (Gokey, Sarver, 'Noops, Scottie, the tweeting Megan Joy) than the uneven Alexis. But she was just so middle of the road that no one bothered to vote. More people are worried about hurting a blind guy's feelings than they are sending a pretty young blonde girl off to do her own thang. And that was exactly what the judges wanted to happen. And what the judges want to happen always will happen. Allison will be in the bottom three again, soon, unless she develops some kind of narrative. Right now she's just a blank who sings really well. That can't compete with the Gokey Ghost or the Blind Dude or I'm Cute And I Spell My Name With A K.
Fun detail: I know she was sick, but did you see Megan Joy's nasty, cold expression when Scott sat down after learning he was safe? It was almost as chilling as Simon's expression, shown immediately after, which was just one of resigned "let's get this over with already"ness. Someone needs to put this whole old dog to sleep. Its tricks are showing.