Future President Sarah Palin Pals Around with Operating ThetanS

Sarah Palin is seeking the advice of a Scientologist as she plots her 2012 presidential run, which just makes sense to us.

John P. Coale, a prominent Washington lawyer and power-broker, is secretly running Palin's political action committee and working to "protect the Palin brand," according to the Washington Post. He is very, very good at doing that because he can walk through walls and read minds and leave his body and never gets sick because he is a Scientologist.

Coale is also the husband of Fox News Channel's Greta Van Susteren, whom he recruited into the church. Van Susteren's penetration of the Palin clan is total—she's been in Alaska practically every other week burnishing Palin's image in friendly profiles. The church's recruitment strategy has always been to snag high-profile converts like Tom Cruise and Will Smith, and it is well known for dispatching operatives on elaborate covert schemes to draw unsuspecting targets into the cocoon.

Coale is no Scientology slouch; according to a web site that tracks public announcements of Scientology course completions, he appears to have reached OT-VII, the cult's second most powerful level. His most recent training, in 2005, was in how to "detect and handle suppressive persons"—that means you, Todd!

Future President Sarah Palin Pals Around with Operating ThetanS


On the other hand, Alaskans don't have a great history with L. Ron Hubbard—in 1940, he reportedly decamped to Ketchican on a "radio-experimental expedition," got a loan from a local bank, and split town.

Palin, with her wild-eyed confidence and preposterously healthy skin, already seems vaguely Scientological; "Keep Scientology Working!" isn't a bad rejoinder to "Yes We Can," right?