Foolish idealists have banded together and formed a Facebook group protesting the University's choice to have honey-dipped actor James Franco as their keynote graduation speaker. Because looking at that mug for 30 minutes is torture.
The Facebook group is currently 258 students strong. Many feel that Franco, who graduated from the institution last year before coming to New York and falling asleep, is their peer, man. Not someone who can drop some real knowledge on them. The group's comments offer such salient arguments as "I don't want the green goblin speaking at my graduation!! lol", "WHAT THE FUCK HE'S A FUCKING POTHEAD", and "I seen you on tmz, so i decided to join for the hell of it."
Well kids, we seen you on TMZ too and we think you're idiots. The funny thing about Commencement is that YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER IT. Like, at all. If you are remotely good at college, you will be in no state that morning to pay attention to anyone, be it Bhutros Bhutros Ghali or Daniel Desario. For those few nerdy, chaste souls who will, somehow, be awake, just take pleasure in the fact that you can spend your precious last few moments of glorious responsibilityless freedom gazing at the visage of an angel.
Or, you know, you can write letters to the University and just waste these final months—before adulthood begins its long, unavoidable process of crushing you into a miserable shell of your once young and carefree self—complaining about something that pretty much means nothing.