Real C.I.A. Sex Scandals Not As Fun as Julia Roberts/Clive Owen Vehicles

So the C.I.A. consists of 20,000 "professional liars" accountable to no one, because they are secretive spies. This means, apparently, lots of rape.

Remember this guy? Andrew Warren climbed his way from lowly Middle East case officer to Algiers station chief! This impressive ascent was accomplished through judicial application of whores and strippers on would-be recruits. Then Warren was videotaped having sex with seemingly drugged local women, which is apparently against CIA rules!

As the Washington Post reports, this is one of three "sex-related scandals" the CIA is dealing with this year (this year! it's only March!).

One of the most awesome and also completely ignored scandals of the last couple years was the story of Kyle "Dusty" Foggo, a vile fount of corruption and crime who somehow became CIA executive director (and got a job for his mistress while he was at it) while throwing hookers-and-poker parties at the Watergate (with Randy "Duke" Cunningham!) and accepting bribes from Brent Wilkes, a criminal defense contractor. (This is the problem with this scandal: it's complicated!) (Also it involves a guy named Brant "Nine Fingers" Bassett.)

But yes, the CIA: they're evil and they torture people and they rape and murder with impunity, all the time. That is basically their mission statement!

A. John Radsan, a former CIA assistant general counsel, said there are internal guidelines and structures — including the CIA inspector general's office and a separate review board that oversees clandestine operations — that are intended to guard against scandal. In reality, he said, it is a self-regulating system with few incentives for reporting bad behavior.

"You want a culture that values innovation and creativity and doesn't mind violating the laws of other countries, but at the same time, you want a culture of compliance and honesty," Radsan said. "It is a built-in contradiction."

If there is one thing we have learned at the end of this miserable and god-forsaken decade it is that "innovation and creativity" nearly always means for "amoral and antisocial criminality." That is why there is no money left, and why we lost the war on terror.