This week our president insulted a bunch of retards. (Get over it, America!) And, you know, some other stuff happened.

• Alice Waters, the crazy food hippie, still has an extraordinarily unreasonable idea of the availability of natural, healthy foods—or even fresh produce!—in the inner cities, but, yes, are large number of Americans are just dumb and lazy and addicted to corn, so they should listen to her before they die from the PIG DEATH EPIDEMIC.
• Oh no, populism! Whatever will we do? Let's sack Ruth Madoff's house and string up Chris Dodd and beat up people in AIG shirts! Ohh, and this lady! And all of these people! Grrrr!
• How do we know you're gay? You're the villain in Kings.
• Julia Allison lost her blond friend. And 50 Cent put on a wig and narrated a sex tape featuring Rick Ross's baby's mother. Oh and a bunch of nerds went to their nerd convention.
• Let's all cut back, shall we? Another way to deal with the recession: steal shit.
• David Letterman thinks it's really funny that Keith Olbermann has a big head. And he's right. Not funny: wondering if the subway hero is a gay. Also not funny: Special Olympics jokes. Too horrifying to be funny: sex talk from Bill O'Reilly.
• Jade Goody: not dead. The entry level job: dead.
• Oh, the TV shows, this week. Gossip Girl made Richard angry. The City is done (FOR NOW). Real Housewives was about poop. Real World went to war.
• Facebook enraged everyone by being Facebook-y and stupid LIKE ALWAYS.
• Natasha Richardson, a wonderful actress and by all accounts a lovely person, died after a freak skiing accident.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at .