Mid-week, everyone needs to freshen up. Barbara Walters craves a clean break from ABC, reportedly; Robert Pattinson needs a shower and Bruce Willis might never be able to wash off the slime.

  • Bruce Willis supposedly met his wife, 24 years younger, through scuzzy casting calls he set up for the movie Perfect Strangers. Modeling agencies supplied candidates for minor roles; Willis did the "auditions" and successful candidates got maybe a sex scene or minor speaking role. Suddenly the phrase "what I've always wanted to do is direct" makes a lot more sense. [P6]
  • Barbara Walters is planning to quit ABC this summer to have more time for herself, according to "industry insiders." [National Enquirer]
  • As part of her PR breakup from Chris Brown, Rihanna is "taking a beak" from the relationship, because why do something rash like actually really break up with an abusive boyfriend? In the meantime, cautious Rihanna might buy Jerry Seinfeld's old house, for $7 million.
  • At Condé Nast, the frugal editors (David Remnick, Ruth Reichl) take the subway; the posh editors still use car services; and the most foolish editors have their limos waiting for them right in front of 4 Times Square, so Si Newhouse knows who to fire. [Post]
  • Octo-mom Nadya Suleman was "a stripper," in the sense that she danced topless for one night, and then quit in disgust. Oddly enough, Suleman's now-former nurses had a similar employment experience.
  • Natasha Richardson donated her organs. [P6]
  • Robert Pattinson never showers. He admitted this like two months ago. Bet his co-stars — "he completely reeks," said one — wish they had read Robert Pattinson Online a bit more diligently.