Yesterday was Perez Hilton's 31st birthday! His star-studded birthday bash will be March 28th at LA's "iconic" Viper Room. And here's how his marketing firm is trying to sell people sponsorships of this once-in-Perez's-lifetime affair:

His flacks are offering sponsorship of the party's VIP room—including naming rights!—for a mere $25,000. Let's hope Ex-Lax goes for that buy. They're also selling naming rights to the whole party for an undisclosed sum. It's a bargain at any price! The pitch claims that a single mention on Perez's site reaches more than 300 million people—more than the entire population of the US, in other words.

Yea.

Below is the entire "deck" they're sending around trying to sell this year's Perez party—last year's event was so star-studded, how could you resist? Half a billion "media impressions!" You'd be crazy not to pay to associate your brand, in the midst of a recession, with this...stuff:

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.