I think Motown is my least favorite of the Idol theme nights. The songs have all been sung too many times, they almost always sound dated, and it's racially embarrassing. Last night was no exception.
I say 'racially embarrassing' because the producers are so tone-deaf that they think we won't find it suspicious or annoying that, because it's Motown week apparently, there's a special emphasis on bee-bopping close ups of the black people in the Idol band. Get it? Because they're Black People! And this week is about Black People Music! Bah.
There were a few performances that hit the spot. Allison was, once again, good as hell. Simon seems desperate to get her booted, though, which he demonstrated with his thunder-stealing "let's draw a mustache on Paula" antics. He's trying to distract you so you don't vote for her! Vote for her! Kris Allen was gooey and good and flutey again on "How Sweet It Is" and we all (ALL OF US) continue to tumble into love with him. Matt Giraud did a serviceable but slightly discomforting "Let's Get It On," while Lil' Rounds was just aight on an overly belty "Heatwave." Simon criticized her, but of course had to add a little coda that "just in case anyone forgets, you're one of our best singers." Sigh.
Roughneck Sarver is Dialidol's fave to go home tonight, and I'll have to agree with them. I can't tell if his lazy performances are arrogance, nerves, exhaustion, or some combination of the three, but they're dirge-like to watch. Same goes for poor Scott, who continues to flounder toward irrelevance with his bangy-bangy piano pastiches to soft-rock covers of once-great songs. Megan Joy flamed-out terrifically with her completely off-key, screechy "For Once In My Life," though, once again, her stunning good looks might protect her. Anoop is guilty of badness by boringness. He sounded fine... but he just makes no impact whatsoever. Gokey was herky-jerky and tiresome again. The criticism that an Idol performance reads like karaoke is thrown around way too often, but it's just sooo applicable here. His could-be-drunk mug-dancin', his sloppy vocals, and his shit-eating "Nailed it!" expression at the end of each performance is just forcefully annoying and reeks of a 'raoke regular who thinks they own the place.
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Adam Lambert?
OK, yes. He got rid of the ridiculous rocker grrrl clothes. He smoothed back his hair-hat into a sort of Elvis pompadour. He whisper-glistened through "Tracks of My Tears" pleasantly enough. But I did take a good look at his face, as instructed, and it was spackled with fifteen pounds of pancake makeup and horrible Skipper-doll lip gloss. Yes, his singing was decent and not shrieky like it usually is, but... there's just something so terrifically off about him. It's like his skin doesn't fit. Can you imagine trying to endure a two hour Adam Lambert concert? I would have the awkward heebie-jeebies for days. Ten points to Hufflepuff for trying something new and more modest, but I'm gonna have to take those ten points right back for the wearing of a Skinsuit that's two sizes too big.
It's either Sarver, who could be rescued by the "awww gee, he's got babies" vote, or Scott, who could be rescued by the "well, he's, you know, blind and stuff" vote. If those two contingents are strong enough, look for the clucking Megan Joy to get beheaded and run around the stage.
Paula. Three tons of jewelry and a tutu? Why?