Either Lindsay Lohan's entire crazy family is really on Twitter, or the world's best comedy writers have taken to the medium. Here are Dina Lohan's Twitter tales of bad tea, insidious censorship, and "HATERS."
Dina Lohan, Lindsay's mom, had a Twitter account registered on March 15, the same day accounts for Aliana "Ali" Lohan and Dakota "Cody" Lohan, Lindsay's little sister and brother, appeared. One possible reason for the coincidental timing: the leak of Lindsay Lohan's private messages posted on Twitter.
The Ali Lohan account is pursuing the usual fameball route of self-promotion, with tweets touting her music career. Cody Lohan's tweets consist mostly of messages for his mom and trash talk for his friends. Either might be reasonably easy to fake.
But Dina Lohan's messages are sui generis, a whole new kind of Twitter crazy the likes of which the world has never seen before.
For example: Lohan mère has still not figured out, two weeks in, that Twitter updates have a 140-character limit. She keeps accusing unseen forces of "censorship" — at one point, she speculated that Twitter was filtering messages with the word "Xanax" in them — and says she has contacted "tech support." It would be one thing if she were updating Twitter via cell phone, where it's easy to miss the limit. But most of her messages are posted from Twitter's website, which displays a counter showing exactly how many characters are left.
Then there's the tea. In an attempt to "relax," Twitter's Dina Lohan said she was drinking green tea. Green tea, of course, contains caffeine, which can cause nausea and jitters — the exact symptoms of which Lohan complains.
If Dina Lohan did not exist on Twitter, someone would have to invent her. It's comedy gold — but it seems like way too much work for someone to make up. What the Lohan family has proven, time and again, is that truth is stranger than fiction.
Update: Never underestimate the amount of free time on the Internet's hands. A bored LiveJournal user named Matt Cherette is taking credit for the Dina Lohan Twitter account.