Hold on to your frumpy Chico's fashions: Michael Phelps' mom has written a tell-all book! Star has an exclusive excerpt. Can you guess why that fact alone is very, very strange?

That's right, it means that Debbie Phelps gave ($$$$OLD???) the exclusive first excerpt of her book to the same outlet that broke the story of her son's bong-hitting ways! There's an excerpt of her book on Harper Collins' website, but it doesn't contain these juicy bits that the gossip rag got about the BONG SCANDAL:

Debbie was "not happy" about his "disappointing, uncharacteristic behavior," she writes.

Wowza. And what about that DUI Michael got?

"He actually had tried to get someone else to drive after he had a few drinks," Debbie reveals. "Apparently someone in the crowd made a crack about not giving the keys to his brand-new Range Rover to someone else."

It's like when we made a crack to Debbie about giving her book excerpt to Star! You have to watch what you say. [Star]

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.