Hah, activist judges in Iowa just forced everyone in that state of corn and fiction workshops to get gay married, right away. Does Iowa have gays? Besides a couple of the fiction workshop attendees maybe?

And, honestly, those people are not even Iowa residents, they can go back home to Connecticut to get gay married when they are done with their theses. Still! The Iowa Supreme Court says the state's pointless gay-marriage ban is "unconstitutional." It was unanimous!

The suit had been winding its way through Iowa courts since 2005, and "observers" speculated that it'd be another year before the godless liberals of the Iowa Supreme Court actually came to a decision, but no, in three weeks you can go to Iowa and get gay married. It is a scenic, picturesque place, if you like vast boring expanses of nothing.

And now that gay marriage is legal in fucking Iowa everyone in Albany should go fucking leap in front of a train. It would be an enlightening first experience with public transit for most of them.

Let's all go marry some federal government-subsidized ethanol!

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.