The governor of South Carolina will accept the stimulus money and France will take ONE Guantanamo prisoner off our hands.

So, Mark Sanford finally caved and will accept and spend all the stimulus money Barack Obama forced him to give to his state's millions of destitute jobless lazy ne'erdowells. But he won't give a penny to the schools, no sir! What a guy, Sanford. We see great things for him on the national stage, because Americans love asshole southerners who hate kids.

Meanwhile, in France, Barack Obama's intellectual home (his spiritual home is Mecca and his actual home is KENYA WHERE HE WAS SECRETLY BORN), the president of the US convinced French President PePe LePew to accept one (1) prisoner out of the 250 still remaining at Guantanamo. (First he gives the queen an iPod and now this is his idea of a good gift? Get on it, Tapper!) How can any conservatives possibly still bitch about his "closing Guantanamo" plan when he is sending the terrorists to France? We don't have any takers for the rest of the prisoners, sadly. We'd sarcastically suggest sending them to South Carolina, but, like our President, we are against torture.

Now if you'll excuse us for a moment we have to go walk to the corner in this miserable weather to buy a pack of $100 cigarettes. THANKS A LOT BARRY.