LiLo Dumps SamRo Via Twitter, Orders Applebee's To-Go Via CellS

People get married more than once, and they also break up more than once. Country music and poop go together like Gary Coleman and movies about little people. Plus news of the Real Housewives.

  • Country singer Keith Urban dumped a huge load of poop at Webster Hall last week. Plus, after the concert, his tour bus driver emptied a massive amount of human waste onto 13th street. When Webster employees went to clean up the mess they were said to be revolted by the thick, soupy sludge of Bewitched DVDs and Australia script pages. [P6]
  • Crazy Bai Ling, a participant in some sort of long-running Chinese version of King of Hearts, insists she did not have sex with Mickey Rourke, as has been widely reported. She also informed the press that her house isn't made entirely of balsa wood, just mostly, and that her nipples can, in fact, cause rainstorms. [P6]
  • Gary Coleman has made a movie called Midgets vs. Mascots that is, in his own words, "worse than any film school project." Though, he was sure to add, he is still available for most film school projects. [P6]
  • Poor, ruined Jennifer Aniston was seen to be all smiles at a recent Paul McCartney concert at Radio City Music Hall. A witness on the scene said of the jilted actress: "She looked really happy. There was a definite glow to her." Sadly that glow was from a healthy cocktail of doctor-prescribed no-more-crying pills and bloody marys drunk out of an old thermos. When she returned to her apartment, Aniston shuffled around the kitchen chain smoking, ashing in the sink, guzzling from a bottle of geverztraminer, weepily mumbling the words to "When I'm 64." [NYDN]
  • Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly terrified of shampoo, thinking that it will give her children autism or cancer. She's so repulsed by the stuff, in fact, that she will only let her kids use it when it is squirted onto their heads from a gigantic tube by a sweaty, wheezing Mario Batali. [NYDN]
  • As Real Housewife of New York Kelly Bensimon shuffles around in her babushka, keening and trying to pick up the pieces of her shattered life like she was in some sort of sad, foreign war movie, she's letting some bygones by bygones. She is, for example, no longer feuding with costar Bethenny Frankel: "It was just two girls having conflict. I really don't think anything of it. It's over." She smiled a creaky smile, shakily poured herself another vodka, and added: "Actually I was just approached to star in a film. It's called Two Girls Having Conflict. Except, you know, the last word isn't 'Conflict.'" She sat there, blinking for a while, when a loud whine and rumble seemed to emanate from her face. She laughed bitterly at the reporter's surprise. "Just my tear ducts getting started up." [Us]
  • Supposedly Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, two lovers who met at a particularly wild Bryn Mawr mixer one windy Saturday eve, have broken up over Twitter. "Being cheated on does wonders to you. I'm doing this publicly because u&ur friends call People mag," Lindsay somehow manipulated her fingers into typing over the weekend. Then there was just a mash of random keys: ";alksfdj p34u4asld;k..." which was explained a few minutes later in a third and final post, "Sory, fell of sofa. Am under coffee table now. Dusty." [Hollyscoop]
  • Prime-cut American Mansteak Tom Brady has gone and married his little sugar cane, Giselle Bundchen. Again. The pair was already wed in California earlier this month, but over the weekend they had another service at Bundchen's family house in Costa Rica. As she stood in her fitted white dress, the ocean breeze making her hair dance softly around her face, the faint lilt of music coming wafting from somewhere down the beach, Brady's ex Bridget Moynahan screwed the silencer onto her pistol. She then retreated into the bushes, and waited... [People]

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