America's Having a Trillion-Dollar SaleS

The slack economy is costing America more than $1 trillion per year in lost output. But there's an upside: Great deals, on everything!

It would take three years to get the economy back up and running 100% if the recession ended tomorrow. And you know that's not gonna happen! So you have plenty of time to take advantage of what were formerly trappings of luxury and are now cheap! cheap! cheap!

Art, for example. Prices are down 35%! So many rich people have been forced to liquidate their Warhols at the bottom of the market that there's never been a better time to become a collector. Also makes good kindling!

And while you're spending, why not pick up some gold? It's at its lowest point in months. Sorry, survivalists! Supplement that with some cheap California bonds, desperate new stock issues, AIG's asset management division, and government-owned black tar heroin, and you've saved so much money that you won't be forced to enroll your kids in a 'virtual school' just to save on pencil costs.

We can't afford not to have a recession!
[Pic via. How much is a trillion dollars? See here!]