Lindsay Lohan Breakdown Is a Tabloid Feeding Frenzy

One might assume that months of teary, yelling, storming-out fights between Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson sated readers' appetites for details of the couple's drama. But it just made everyone hungrier for the big breakup.

That's what the celebrity media is betting at least. Us Weekly scored the biggest coup in the current news cycle: an on the-record interview with Lohan.

"It's absolute hell," Lohan told Us... Lohan says she's "so alone" without Ronson.

"Everyone's turned on me," says the actress.

Socialite Nicole Richie, Lohan reports, said "Uck" as she walked by Lohan following a Lohan-Ronson showdown at Chateau Marmont, while actress Drea De Matteo told Lohan, "Come at me, bitch." It sounds like there just might be another side to the story there. Anyway.

Us also quoted "sources" saying Lohan has threatened to kill herself repeatedly over the past month in response to Ronson trying to extricate herself from the relationship. The magazine rushed its coverage onto the cover of Wednesday's issue, where it describes Lohan as "Dumped, humiliated, broke & crying."

National Enquirer sibling RadarOnline, meanwhile, has "rehab graduate" Lohan "chugging" a bottle of Belvedere vodka at a Hollywood club with her mom Monday night and implied Lohan maybe lit a joint.

Over at Time Warner, TMZ had Lohan "devastated" over press reports Ronson might seek a restraining order, while People, providing a rare bit of good press of Lohan, later quoted Ronson's attorney saying his client didn't want such a restraining order.

Lohan is in a sad and tragic place, no doubt. Also pretty certain: No media outlet's about to pass up, in the middle of a recession, what's looking like the biggest celebrity meltdown since Britney Spears' mental hospital tour of '08.