Obama Campaigners Will Work For Food, StatusS

Hm. Only the Washington Post would call a White House job "the ultimate status symbol in [a] generation's caste system," but regardless: all the Obama kids need work.

Those little campaigners who upended their dead-end post-school excuses for lives to follow their dreamy candidate around the nation organizing phone banks and hanging out with veterans? Their candidate, Barack Obama, won, and now he's president, and all those kids moved to Washington DC, because they were pretty sure Obama would get them all jobs. Hah! Sorry kids, Obama just hired a bunch of old dudes.

And now?

"It was a pretty big drop-off, going from every moment of your day being filled with extraordinary purpose and intensity, every moment of your waking hours is bent aggressively toward this goal," [former Obama deputy field director Noland] Chambliss said. "And then there's a large chasm of uncertainty for you."

Now Noland works at a pizza place. Probably one of the fancy ones, not Jumbo Slice, but still.

So all these kids want government jobs, and they know they are qualified because of their great work on the campaign, and as the Bush administration—which hired lots of those campaign kids!—taught us all, it is always a good idea to run your presidency as if it was a never-ending campaign. There are no downsides to that approach, hiring a bunch of partisan would-be pizza place employees to the Departments of Energy or Education. Heckuva job, kids!