Today little men take on big roles, J.Lo finds her vampiric costar, Gore Vebinski takes a breather for himself, Leah Remini glows like moondust, and old people get it on in hilarious fashion.

Eldersex Is Comedy Gold

Gore Verbinski, who's directed some of the biggest hits in Hollywood from Mousehunt to The Mexican (oh, kidding, also The Ring) will not direct the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He directed the first three, but now he's done. He wants to take time to sit down, have a glass of red wine, gather his creative thoughts, and do something artistic. Like directing Bioshock, a movie based on a videogame. One for us, one for you, Gore. [Variety] Meanwhile Larry Charles, the fellow behind Borat, Bruno, and Curb Your Enthusiasm, has settled on his next movie. It's called Winter's Discontent. And it's about old people fucking. So. [Variety]

Eldersex Is Comedy Gold

The sexy hunk of undead flesh from Moonlight, Alex O'Loughlin, has landed the starring role in the next Jennifer Q. Lopez film. It's about artificial insemination and, one would assume, big butts. [Variety] Sexy glowing green hunk of space rocks Leah Remini, who whirs like a spaceship and can speak Venusian, has landed a role in the hilarious-sounding ABC comedy pilot Don't Try This at Home (like the warning thing from things!). It's about, get this wacky plot, marriage and relationships and having kids in the suburbia and stuff. I know it sounds really out there, but give it a chance. I mean, we need new ideas in these worrisome times. [THR]

Eldersex Is Comedy Gold

Notoriously short actor Al Pacino will be playing notoriously short warmonger Napoleon in a new film to be directed by the guy who did The Painted Veil. I just want to see Pacino in the hat. That's all. [THR] Speaking of power-mad world leaders who will stop at nothing to slake their unslakable bloodthirst, Sony has picked up international distribution rights for the new documentary We the People: The Election of Barack Obama. The filmmaker, sadly, has been missing since he turned in a print of the polemic to his producers, six months ago. He's expected to be found in a ditch somewhere in Colombia, his head cut off. Because that's the kind of guy Obama is. Just awful. [THR]