We Must Bossnap Our Way to Recovery

Unhappy about getting canned? Kidnap your boss! This is the trend sweeping Europe. If enough plant managers, shift supervisors, editors-in-chiefs, and corporate reps are tied up in supply closets, we just might get through this thing!

Three British execs from an adhesives company are only the latest bossnapping victims in France, which has a rich tradition of demanding the rights of workers to have jobs for life, the economy be damned. Polls show that at least half of the French public supports this tactic! It gets results.

So why are we Americans sitting around and letting bosses walk free, when we have so many good candidates? There's no need for this to be confined to the manufacturing sector. City officals in Lewisburg, Tennessee could bossnap the investment bankers from Morgan Keegan who sold them (and plenty of other small town marks!) complicated derivatives, causing them to go broke. Macy's workers can grab the company executives out of their plentiful free Town Cars and stash them under the perfume counter. Short sellers can snatch S.E.C. officials out of their cubicles and tie them to Bloomberg terminals until they give up on their regulation plans. Si se puede!

The world needs its bosses confined to small spaces in order for any economic resurrection to begin. South Korean automakers! Eastern Ukrainian industrial employees! Nevada hookers! Why must you bear the brunt of the shrinking economy while the fat cats continue to roam free, unencumbered and unmenaced? It simply boggles the mind.

Or if this is too much trouble, we could all just band together and buy Wild Turkey. $575 million solves a lot of problems. [Pic via]