A crippling recession that's forced thousands of people into tent cities, eating dog food, is no reason to penalize our nation's dogs. So brave Americans are buying more gratuitous dog things than ever!

• Kosher dog food, for dog Seders. Because think what would happen if you didn't buy your dog kosher food for its dog Seder. Related: BLAME THE JEW DOGS, for money problems.
• Dog yoga, or "doga." Too stupid to comment upon, but where is the dog prostitution? Better moneymaker for these hard times.
• A dog-specific car. It features a dog ramp, dog safety belts, a dog fan, and a dog dish, for an extra thousand bucks. It's also a Honda Element, which is only fit for dog habitation, regardless.

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.