Martha Stewart Will Use Housewarming Gifts to Make You Feel Like a Total Loser

Martha Stewart, our arch-nemesis, has a few ideas about how to save some money during this recession: buy fewer trees, but more glitter kits. She also demands that you knit her a scarf!

Q: How is the recession affecting domestic life and people making things at home?

Martha: People are staying home and enjoying it by crafting and beautifying their home with decorating and cooking. They can't afford to travel, but they can afford a [$23] glitter kit.

Oh yes people could afford a $23 glitter kit if they were INSIDE TRADING OFFICE DECOR TYRANTS, mmm hmm.

Q: How has the recession affected you personally?

Martha: I have always been kind of frugal and cautious in terms of extravagance...I am a serious gardener, and I grow my own food and have my own chickens and eggs... I'm not spending a lot eating out. I have had many more dinner parties personally than I had before. I am not buying as many trees to plant as I would like, but that can wait until next year.

Oh sure buying fewer trees for your CRAZY MANSION Martha with your FANCY CHICKENS. Tell us another one why don't you?

Q: What do you bring to hosts?

Martha: I bring a dozen fresh eggs. I take them honey from my beehive, homemade jams and jellies from my own fruit, a big basket of garden vegetables I grow. If I have been doing my own candlemaking, I may take them six candles that I have made. I recently made a lot of pillows and children's toys. I have the added benefits of doing crafts on a daily basis.
It should always be joyful to be able to make things. Too many of us are sitting around Twittering. How about knitting? Knit me a sweater or a scarf.

FINE we're knitting, we're knitting, since our present of a scented candle just wasn't good enough for you, Martha. This is why we stopped inviting you over. Such a guilt trip.

[WP]