What are these Somali pirates, Democrats? The four wretched bandits huddled in a drifting lifeboat surrounded by US Navy gunships are now demanding $2 million, or the knives come out:

Captured American Captain Richard Phillips failed in his escape attempt last night; now the pirates seem to be getting edgy. One of the pirates' friends says that the attempt to send a flotilla of backup pirates to their aid has been blocked. Now, it comes down to the cash. They're demanding $2 million and safe passage to shore in exchange for Phillips' release. Or else:

Any attempt to free the captain by force would result in his death, said Da'ud, who wouldn't give his full name.

Paging Jack Bauer.

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.