Sad Criminal President Settles Into a Life of Suburban DesperationS

The Washington Post has published a detailed, massive report on George and Laura Bush's post-White House life, and it's like Revolutionary Road with war crimes.

The Bushes are cocooned on their $2.4 million estate in the (formerly all-white) Dallas neighborhood of Preston Hollow, where Laura whiles away her days shopping for furniture and George maniacally rides his mountain bike in circles around their cul-de-sac, monitoring his heart rate. Laura is—seriously!—planning on taking up yoga, apparently in a bid to find something, anything, to take her mind off of the awful shame.

Here's a scene from their life, when a local Cub Scouts canvassed their neighborhood in a food drive:

Just after 9:30 a.m. on Feb. 21, two nervous Cub Scouts approached Bush's front drive. As he opened the door, the former commander in chief could have been any Preston Hollow retiree donating cans that Saturday morning: 62, gray hair, loose slacks and a plastic bag filled with canned carrots. Except Bush wore a blue windbreaker with the presidential seal over the left breast.

Carrots!

Aside from working on his memoir, which is already at 25,000 words and counting, Bush keeps himself busy by "e-mailing on his BlackBerry, a new toy." We were going to point out that after you step down from the most powerful job in the world isn't the best time to finally acquaint yourself with contemporary information technology, but really if Bush had used a Blackberry in office it would have only increased his capacity to do damage. Or he would have just used it to trade torture porn videos with Rove and check baseball scores.

While George thumbs furiously at his new e-mail machine, Laura obsesses about the Obamas and tries, uncomprehendingly, to wrap her mind around their alien tastes and cultured bearing:

But Laura has one curiosity about the Obamas that she cannot shake, friends said. Before leaving the White House, she spent her own money to have two of her favorite chairs reproduced as a gift for the new first family. The original chairs, on loan from her friend Anne Johnson, are armless and chic, and Laura thought Michelle Obama would love them.