Lawyers Paid Not to Work, FinallyS

Heather Eisenlord's law firm is paying her $80,000 to take the year off, travel around the world doing whatever, and wait for the economy to rebound. Fine, but who will save the chicken farmers?

Anybody in their right mind would take the deal that Skadden, Arps offered to its lawyers: a third of their salary in exchange for taking the year off. But while Heather Eisenlord, of Skadden's banking group, takes off to "teach English to monks in Sri Lanka," North Carolina chicken farmers will be suffering financial distress! Their chickens offered them not paid vacations, but bankruptcy. "I paid a lot of money for these chicken houses, but they aren't worth a nickel right now," said one chicken farmer, as a single rooster crowed in the distance, mournfully.

Where is the justice? When Heather Eisenlord, god bless her, flies off to "bring solar power to remote parts of the Himalayas," countless scores of laid-off olds will be unable to find a job, because young punk "hiring managers" can't deal with someone older than them. Even though the olds are the most qualified workers of all!

Where is the justice, we ask, when Heather Eisenlord—as is her right!—spends the day at Barnes & Noble "stocking her apartment in Brooklyn with Lonely Planet travel guides," while Loganville, GA can't afford to build a park, and you can't leave your car anywhere in Laredo, TX without having it stolen, and you sure can't have nice things in Piedmont, CA, because desperate thieves break into homes for sale just to rip off the meager furnishings and trade them for bread, or perhaps a sliver of cheese?

We don't know where the justice is. But we all wish we were Heather Eisenlord. [Pic via]