Ari Fleischer, Nobody Cares What You Think

Is there any more irrelevant talking head in America than Ari Fleischer, Bush's former roboflack? His only skill was obfuscating on behalf of important people. Now he doesn't work for anyone important. Except himself!

Ari is in PR. So he should really, you know, be great at tapping into the public consciousness, right? And what issue will resonate with the broke, unemployed citizens of our recession-wracked nation now more than this: Poor people should pay more taxes!

If you thought Bernard Madoff's Ponzi scheme was bad, wait until you hear about the inverted pyramid scheme the federal government is working on. While Mr. Madoff preyed on people who trusted him with their money, the federal government has everyone's money, and the implications of its actions are worse.

This dreadful pyramid scheme: progressive taxation. The rich are paying most of the taxes—meanwhile, the poor get off scott free! Ari Fleischer has a plan to end this outrage and he tells you all about it in his op-ed, but he forgot that nobody gives a fuck what he thinks since he's just an eloquent blank wall and the only reason people listened to him before is because they were obligated to because he spoke for the president, and he also forgot he's an asshole and everybody's poor now so maybe he should just shut his mouth for once. [WSJ]