Cramer's self-pitying tirade to Ohio State University's The Lantern reads like a tour through the stages of grief as he mourns the man he used to be before Stewart pantsed him in front of the world, and it bears quoting at length:
1. Anger: Jon Stewart doesn't fight fair. He used Facts and Logic because he hates me.
"It was a complete and utter ambush," Cramer said in an interview with The Lantern. "He told my staff that it was going to be fun, convivial, no clips, but [it] doesn't matter, he's a comedian, he can do whatever he wants."
"Was it a fair fight? No, it wasn't even a fight. I came on with the idea of taking a high road approach and discussing the issues, obviously [Stewart] came on strictly to try to humiliate me," Cramer said. "It was brutal. Was he stand-up? Absolutely not. Did he comport himself as a gentleman? Hardly. It was a deposition; he wants to be a prosecutor."
"He had an animus toward me. At the conclusion of the interview, not on the mic, he said, 'I picked the wrong guy, I'm sorry,' but that's not gonna get out there," Cramer said. "He just said it to me as just a throwaway. His goal was just to humiliate and destroy me and probably get me fired, and last I looked, I still have a show."
2. Delusions: Jon Stewart doesn't know the real me, who is not an asshole and is always right. All the people who watched the whole thing could see that.
"I think that people who watch ["Mad Money"] know that the show that I do is very different from the show that the critics say it is," he said. "I think that Jon Stewart has never seen my show, ever."
Cramer said that while "you can pick any single clip to make people fib," Stewart could have also shown clips of some of Cramer's correct predictions.
"Those are the calls that I care about, but they're not gonna mention those calls - that would make me look good. It's nobody's interest to make me look good," he said.
"It was a 20 minute interview [ed.—it was a 12 minute interview, but math is hard!], he picked the worst eight minutes to make me look as horrible as possible. It's his show, he can do whatever he wants. If he comes on my show, it'll be a fair discussion, but he's not gonna come on my show, because he's all about his [ratings] numbers," he said.
3. Acceptance: But let me be clear, I am one huge asshole. I know this because I am still rich.
"I am a highly controversial figure [on "Mad Money"]. I was not a controversial figure when it came to making money. And I can tell that guy, when he's made his first 100 million in the market, I will respect his judgment about the market."
Extra points for being willing to admit that his correct predictions are the only ones he cares about. Except we knew that already.
This is just the latest stop on Cramer's hapless tour to recover from the evisceration. Previously he has made a big joke of it, called Stewart "naive and misleading" for attacking the media, and said he was just taking the "high road."