Why Must the Liberal Media Lie About Pirates?

Why does the Washington Post want to tell children that their pirate fantasies are fake and evil?

From the Kids Section, of all places:

Somali pirates don't wear ruffled shirts and have parrots on their shoulders; they are dangerous criminals. In fact, there never were pirates who looked like the swashbuckling characters from today's toys and movies. The pirates who terrorized ships off America's coast 250 years ago were also violent thieves and were widely feared and hated.

Ahem, there absolutely were pirates who looked like the swashbuckling characters from today's toys and movies, thank you very much. Now go kill Santa why don't you?