Today's winner: Citigroup! The massive financial monstrosity turned a $1.6 billion profit in the first quarter. That's hot on the heels of Goldman Sachs turning a profit, and JPMorgan Chase turning a profit, and also Wells Fargo!
But your money still has much work left to do. GM is teetering towards bankruptcy. GE is getting hammered. People have stopped buying toys and video games. Children are an unaffordable luxury at a time like this.
Still: bottle service comeback!