Madonna Killed Slightly Injured! in Horseback Riding AccidentS

Madonna has had a terrible riding accident and is recuperating in the Hamptons. Other celebrities have done things too, but not horse-related things.

  • Oh dear. When 83-year-old people take a spill, it's never a good thing. Their bones are frail and their skin thin and useless as deli paper. So when an 83-year-old falls off a goddamned horse, the most appropriate reaction might be prayer. So pray, dear friends, for our once beloved Madonna-witch, a gnarly and snaggled ancient creature who roams the countryside stealing children and doing haunting, dangerous dances in exercise costumes. She was riding a horse in the Hamptons yesterday when she took a terrible digger, and had to be rushed to Southampton Hospital. Her injuries are said to be not serious, but we are a bit worried that she's not at a different medical facility, as Southampton Hospital isn't really anything more than a wide, sprawling porch where flinty, sad-eyed young blonde men liberally apply poultices of gin and crab salad. Does that cure a broken heart after, in an angry huff, Clyde takes the kids and the Teddy Roosevelt Terrier, Barclay, to his mother's in Beacon Hill? Yes. But old bones broken by horses? Not so much. Ah well. We wish her a speedy recovery, and chastise the paparazzo that allegedly jumped out of the bushes and startled her horse. That's the singer's excuse anyway. And, c'mon, lay off her. She's a little embarrassed, y'know? This just keeps happening. [P6]
  • Zounds. Did Diana Ross sleep her way to the top of the recording industry, as a new book claims? More importantly, does anyone care? [P6]
  • Ooh, smarty pants love. Actors Rachel McAdams and Josh Lucas are apparently twiddling dinkins (I don't know what this means, but it sounds right), if their carnal canoodling at Lower East Side restaurant Little Giant is any indication. They were sucking mug and feeling each other up all through dinner, said some sort of source. Are you jealous? [P6]
  • Apparently Melanie Gibson and his wife have been separated since August 2006, even though they're just getting around to the whole divorce thing now. He's been hiding his "tomcatting" by renting a suite at the Four Seasons, rather than bringing his various ladies back to his house or whatever. I just really like the phrase "tomcatting." I picture some proud father bragging to Nigel, Percy, and the other boys at the club that his son has just wasted his summer "tomcatting around." The men chuckle and sigh and for a moment remember summer days years ago when they themselves were young minnowy lotharios. Rakes, maybe. Cads, even. [NYDN]
  • Speaking of tomcatting, Matthew McConaughey says, though he has a child with girlfriend Camila Alves, he doesn't plan on marrying any time soon. Because, you know, man it's just like... it's like if you're riding a real tasty wave man, or skating down the street on your stick mobile, man it's great, best thing ever man, right? But you don't want it to go on forever, 'cause... forever's a long time, na'mean broheim? I just want to mellow and play my bingo-bongos and visit The Hot City every afternoon and watch my baby sleep in that crib I made out of coconuts. That's livin' man. That and making millions of dollars for doing shitty movies. The dream, man. [People]

OK! That's it! Short gossip day.