Meghan McCain: 'I Have Lots of Gay Friends'

Oh, Meghan. We're very proud of you for having the courage to speak before the Log Cabin Republicans, as a woman running for pundit.

You can read Meghan's full remarks to the gay Republican group here, in case you are interested in learning about how highly Meghan thinks of herself for being so young and progressive and young. Whee. The politics of failure have failed, Meghan announces, and Republicans can't just join Twitter and expect to win young voters! They have to join Twitter and have kicky gay hairstylists and read Pitchfork!

This is her explanation of "what it means to be a new, progressive Republican."

So tonight, I am proud to join you in challenging the mold and the notions of what being a Republican means. I am concerned about the environment. I love to wear black. I think government is best when it stays out of people's lives and business as much as possible. I love punk rock. I believe in a strong national defense. I have a tattoo. I believe government should always be efficient and accountable. I have lots of gay friends. And yes, I am a Republican.

Has Meghan ever examined why she is a Republican? No, whatever, she doesn't think about politics outside of these purely stylistic tribe-based frames. "I love punk rock. I have a tattoo." Good for you, those facts have nothing to with anything.

Does Meghan know that "Progressive Republican" actually refers to a specific set of issues beyond "I love giving lip service to my gay friends and think recycling is pretty cool"? Does she know that back in 1912, the year her dad lost his virginity to a stripper in Guam or something, a group of Republicans actually started a "Progressive Party" and that this party was not about "a strong national defense" and the government staying out of everyone's fucking business but, in fact, the opposite of those things?

The platform called for women's suffrage, recall of judicial decisions, easier amendment of the U.S. Constitution, social welfare legislation for women and children, workers' compensation, limited injunctions in strikes, farm relief, revision of banking to assure an elastic currency, required health insurance in industry, new inheritance taxes and income taxes, improvement of inland waterways, and limitation of naval armaments.

And yes this party was mostly actually about Teddy Roosevelt's tremendous ego but, you know, universal health care, higher taxes, and social welfare: what do you think about those things, Meghan? We know you have a tattoo and listen to Franz Ferdinand, but what can you tell us about Robert La Follette? He was this guy who probably would've pointed out that your mindless repetition of the meaningless buzz-phrase "a strong national defense" actually just means "arming the fuck out the nation while people starve."