Miami cocaine rapper Rick Ross is most famous, these days, for being repeatedly embarrassed, on the internet, by 50 Cent. But his new album gives us another reason to appreciate him: awesome self-mythologizing crimetalk doublespeak!

See the other funny thing Rick Ross is known for is being a guy who took his name from a famous coke dealer and rapping about coke-dealing nonstop, but also having once been a corrections officer. Which he tried to lie about, but then got nailed with the evidence, oh well. Everybody's gotta eat! But instead of just saying "Fuck it, it was a job, and screw 50 Cent and his jokes, just listen to my music," Rick Ross has decided to go the "Canadian Girlfriend" route by just saying really vague, ominous things:

Of his stint on the side of the law, Mr. Ross said, "The truth is more sinister than the obvious," suggesting an undisclosed layer to his time there.

Mmm hmm.

"Right now as we speak, I got two of my best friends that's on the run from two separate cocaine conspiracy indictments," Mr. Ross said. "This is a reality that I can't glorify."

Except on his album, or in media interviews! Man, I sure have become even more of a hater in my old age. Anyhow, fans of Gawker reader 50 Cent agree.