Breaking: two years of Tim Geithner's daily calendars prove that he was pretty friendly with Citigroup and Goldman. Also he leads a quietly tragic unexamined life of unending meaningless toil, JUST LIKE US!

So sure, he was a lacky for financial institutions and his intimacy with the big names at the firms the government should be seizing is coloring his response to the economic crisis, but he can clearly still relate to the common man: look how boring his life is!

And as we all know, when someone promises that they "would never put myself in a position where my actions were influenced by a personal relationship," even though it's impossible for a person to truly objectively assess how their bubble of privilege and social circle affects their decision-making, we should just believe them, because they totally mean well.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.