Lindsay Lohan is scared of food, Brad Pitt is scared of his ex-bodyguard and New York models are frightened and jealous of Jesus Luz.
- Jesus Luz escaped Madonna's clutches to walk the catwalk at a fashion show and save some more money with which to eventually buy his freedom. But none of the other models would talk to the Brazilian newcomer, out of jealousy, and instead "were gossiping like catty girls" about how they hated him, so Luz hung his head and walked home to a cackling roundtable of Madonna and her friends Marc Jacobs and Donatella Versace, who each now own a piece of him. [Gatecrasher]
- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's former bodyguard is contemplating a tell-all book, leaving the couple and their Hollywood friends to wonder what America even stands for if their servants can just TALK about how awfully they were treated and the terrible things they saw, with no repercussions, other than ruinous prosecution by the best lawyers and private investigators money can buy. [Scoop]
- Lindsay Lohan went to Hawaii to get over her breakup with Samantha Ronson and have paparazzi ogle "her protruding ribcage and collarbone." For some reason she brought her mother Dina, who encouraged Lohan to "eat more McDonald's," because that's what you eat when you're putting your health first. [Sun]
- Two of the Real Housewives of New Jersey have a father-in-law who was in the mob. The show will be postponed indefinitely as viewers and really the entire nation reel in shock at this unexpected mafia connection within Real Housewives of New Jersey. [National Enquirer]
- Prom is the latest vehicle through which precocious Dakota Fanning will steal hearts (and/or be a total diva).
- A generator went out during Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag's latest "wedding," rendering the animatronic reality-show couple awkwardly frozen for a prolonged period of time. [P6]