A member of Barack Obama's security detail has contracted a suspected case of the swine flu—this outbreak has Barack "The Typhoid President" Obama's fingerprints all over it.
It started in Mexico when Obama just happened to be visiting there. An archaeologist he met there died the next day from swine flu-like symptoms. And now a member of his own security team has it. Barack Obama is Patient Zero!
This development will no doubt lend even more credence to the obviously true theory floated by Concerned Women For America that the "swine flu" is really cover for a fake panic to ram through the nomination of Kathleen Sebelius as Secretary of Health and Human Services. Little did they know that Obama made the swine flu himself, in his bathroom sink!
Or maybe it's the most elaborate Al Qaeda assassination plot ever. Feel free to put your tin hats on in comments.
UPDATE: Here are some of the batshittier theories out there.
- The Washington Examiner (seriously!) says Al Gore did it (click on that link, it will blow your mind):
A US/Chinese venture capital firm stands to benefit financially from a swine flu pandemic. According to Reuters, private US/Chinese venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins Caulfield & Byers (KPCB), based in Menlo Park, CA, launched a $200 million Pandemic Bio Defense Fund in 2006.... Guess who's a partner at KPCB? Al Gore....
- Indonesian Health Minister Siti Fadilah Supari says it was genetically engineered by western countries as a ploy to sell expensive vaccines to the Third World.
- Dr. A. True Ott, "Concerned American PATRIOT," says it's the Illuminati:
According to Henry Kissinger and Zbignew Brezinsky's "NEW WORLD ORDER AGENDA" - the earth must be cleansed of at least 5 billion human beings in order to create their "Utopia".... Never forget that both Kissinger and Brezinsky are solid backers of Barack Hussein Obama.
- And Ron Paul's people think it's Donald Rumsfeld:
The Rumsfeld history starts in 1976, when a military recruit in New Jersey died from a flu that experts speculated might be the "swine flu" virus of 1918 pandemic fame. As Sargent tells it, Rumsfeld, who was then and is again the nation's secretary of defense, made the imminent "swine flu" a political issue to add some spark to the campaign of President Ford, an interim leader without a cause. At Rumsfeld's urging, the administration would ensure that "every man, woman and child" was vaccinated. Huge amounts of vaccine were produced and distributed quickly.